I Don’t Want Marriage Or Kids. People Bother Me. A LOT. Now What?

A long time ago in a kingdom far, far away, an animated ogre and his bride wed and happily produced adorable baby ogres.

Not everyone today wants to follow suit in Shrek’s path. Plus, talking donkeys aren’t that easy to come by anymore.

In a more serious tone, I know young recent newlyweds who tell me they get asked all the time about why they aren’t having children yet. Many of these women are still worried about making it in the workforce.

Or, young women I meet are like me. Total strangers feel like they can ask me why I am “not married yet.” I’m only 26. And this has been going on for a good eight years already! I’m not going to marry the nearest Home Depot bagger boy simply because I’m single.

DeAnna Jordan of San Juan Capistrano, California’s New Method Wellness, says, “Not everyone supports a broader way of thinking. When a well meaning aunt or neighbor wants to know where those babies are, or when are you going to meet the right man…how should they be answered?”



#1 Breathe deeply…so you won’t say the wrong thing.

“First take a breath, literally. Something about breathing gives the opportunity for action rather than reaction.”

#2 Ask that rude person why he or she is up in your business.

“The question could be directed back at them; “I can’t help but wonder why you want to know…'”

#3 Tell them this rudeness is NOT cool.

“KINDLY let them know that you are not comfortable talking about your personal life. Then repeat that same line every time the question is restated, and it will be, ‘I’m not comfortable discussing my personal life.’

“‘Oh I was just curious because you are such a pretty girl.’ / ‘Thank you, but I am not comfortable discussing my personal life.'”

#4 Change the subject or leave the room.

You can always change the subject or excuse yourself. Always give yourself an exit strategy. ‘Oh, I forgot I have to make a phone call…’

#5 Don’t give into their demands. You shouldn’t be forced to prove anything to them.

“Remember it’s your life, and you don’t have to answer any unsolicited questioning.”

Paraphrasing the trash bag commercial:

Don’t get mad; get glad! You’re making the right choice.

“It is such a great sign of cultural evolution that couples (and singles) who do not want to have children are not having them. There was once a time that peer pressure demanded that a couple start spitting out babies once the vows were made, that simply is not the case anymore. Taking it a step further; some are choosing to not get married at all. It is perfectly acceptable to receive emotional support from one’s friends and families. The idea that someone is not complete without a partner or children is outdated. We are moving more towards a culture that supports wholeness within the individual.”


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