At some point in your life – whether you are sexually experienced or saving yourself for marriage, or male or female – you will probably feel freaked out at least once regarding sex. Seriously.
Questions arise like, “Will I look good when my boyfriend’s ex was hotter?”
Or, “Will anyone notice my problem spots? I’ve put on weight.”
“I’m curvy, but how come men like bone thin women? I must be ugly.”
“I just got out of rehab for anorexia and/or drug and alochol abuse, and now I look terrible. What good is living a healthy lifestyle!?”
According to sexual therapist Hally Rhiannon-Nammu, who also gives us five tips on worrying less in this article below, “One of the many fears is how each person looks with the lights on and without clothing on. The irony is that every person tends to be more concerned about themselves than the other person, particularly in such an intimate moment. Whilst being comfortable naked encompasses many elements this, however, does not mean that this road has to be long before embarking upon some fun with a partner.”
“Consider the focus points of being intimate: how the person looks, how they feel and how the initimacy is actually going to be. A lot of pressure, and that is not even about the partner!” she says.
“If one was to close their eyes, what would they see, and what difference would this make to their surroundings? Notice that there is the inclination to look at the other person – a lot, and this is what can help. What undoes one’s confidence very quickly is when it becomes internal by the external.”
Hally’s tips on how to be less self conciousness during sex:
#1 Use your favourite things to make sex a favourite activity.
“Layer the senses with something that is loved or lusted after, i.e. the partner. Include a favourite song that has a positive association, add a favourite smell like an essential oil (natural not chemical) and the layering would not be complete without a mantra/affirmation of ‘I am horny, hot and ready to go.’ Something similar works just as well.”
#2 Set the (comfortable) scene.
“Too much pressure is put onto each party, so by the time it gets to intimacy, both are so stressed that everything becomes annoying, so simplify. Meet where both will be completely comfortable, and there won’t be any interruptions.”
#3 Notice positive things in your significant other.
“Find a focus – on the partner. Something that really stands out that is incredible. This can be lips, eyes, genitals, arms, hands, etc. The part of the body that when it is seen the body simply responds. The whole time only focus on this one thing in the mind.”
#4 Your special someone is probably nervous too!
“Know that they feel exactly as you do and are equally as self conscious, however, the whole point isn’t about judgment but expression. So if becoming self conscious, focus on a part of the body that is loved of oneself. It can even be getting nails done, hair colour or a favourite pair of underpants that are soon to be removed.”
#5 Work out your mind.
“The final and rather important part is to keep the mind busy so that the body can enjoy what is about to happen, hence the mantra/affirmation. Allow the body to feel every little thing that is done, from every touch to every kiss and if more is needed than give yourself permission to share this experience with the partner.”
Rhiannon-Nammu says it’s all chalked up to these five steps alone.
“When these five steps have been incorporated it will become irrelevant very quickly whether the lights are on or off. Sex and sexual expression; the sensual approach of connection is not about looking good; it is all about “feeling” good so allow the focus to be on this and this alone. The mind is not needed in the bedroom so leave it at the door and if it must enter than give it something to do to only emphasise the incredible initmacy that is about to follow.”