How sick are you of the grandmother’s saying, “Before you learn to love another, learn to love yourself?” What next, will I feature a Life Makeover article about getting married in a 15th Century chastity belt?!
As it turns out, there is smoke where there’s fire for that old wive’s tale.
The Power of Personality Types in Love and Relationships author Bill Farr says it is useful to be on your own for a little while after a breakup.
“When exiting a relationship, it can be very painful, but if you can become aware of the reasons behind the lack of unity within the partnership and why you have chosen to allow those to continue for as long as you did, you can exit the relationship with little or no scar tissue,” he tells me.
“To name a few examples of what I’m talking about, understanding your fear of abandonment as well as what is called repetition compulsion; that is, the need to repeat past hurtful situations in an attempt to overcome them.”
Rebounds Abound Signal Something Wrong
Well, you know the muffin man. All right, do you know the rebound relationship girl who got a boyfriend immediately after breaking up with the muffin man? Oh, wait: it’s you!
Farr says, “You know you’re dealing with these issues if after a breakup, your objective is to find someone to jump into another relationship with.”
Ouch! Luckily, there are ways to fix your sticky situation.
Focus On Yourself Using Your Creativity
“Instead of meeting someone else, a better plan would be essentially to ‘meet yourself,'” the relationship author suggests.
“That is to create an awareness of your own fears or why you act the way you do in a relationship. Why you may be choosing the wrong partners and,” he says, “why you accept less than what you want or deserve. A painful break up is often the best time to do this because your anxiety or depression could point to exactly what your fear is.”
“This is why it is best not to run from your discomfort into the arms of your next relationship but confront the emotions you’re feeling. It is also important to note that many of the best artwork, songs, poetry, businesses, and more, have been created during this time of heartache. That being said, realise the potential you have for healing, awareness, and creativity and act on them.”
“Here are 5 ways to help you to overcome those feelings:”
“This will allow you to get in touch with who you are, think more logically and become aware of and overcome your fears of being alone for the rest of your life; something people often tell themselves when they go through a break up.”
#2 …and exercise.
“Exercise has been proven to be more effective than many antidepressants. When we exercise, our bodies release certain mood-enhancing endorphins, releases muscle tension, improves sleep, and reduces levels of the stress hormone Cortisol. High intensity workouts also improve blood flow to the brain, offering many benefits for your mood, memory and more.”
#3 Avoid sugar, alcohol, and drugs.
“Alcohol is one of the few things that is a stimulant as well as a depressant. Although these substances might appear to help you to forget your fears in the short-term drugs and alcohol will make you feel worse amplifying your fears; and sugar has been shown to have very similar effects as drugs initiating erratic mood swings and depression.”
#4 Know your “Emotional Prison.”
“An emotional prison is your place of strong negative emotion created by your ego, that prevents you from allowing you to have or get what you want. It’s the place you go when you are worried about something negative happening in the future that you feel is out of your control. A big part of overcoming anxiety mentally is awareness.”
#5 Getting out in the sun or touching the earth.
“Being in touch with nature has a profound effect on your physical and mental health. The book “Earthing” presents a lot of research showing how touching the earth is beneficial for your body, mood and overall health. Many studies have shown Vitamin D provided by the sun can improve your mood and health.”
Farr’s Final Advice: Don’t Act Desperate!
Meaning, others can read the desperation? Afriaid so.
“I would suggest to take advantage of this transitional time and avoid jumping into another relationship. Just like anything else, when you are desperate, you accept less than what you deserve or what you want. It is best to spend time to learn what you want and what you can offer to a relationship.”
“There are many ways to overcome the anxiety and fear and allow you to feel yourself again. This will allow you to attract the best person suited for who you are and what you offer to a relationship. This is the path to finding a more fulfilling relationships going forward,” he says. “Since anxiety from a breakup can be very threatening to your system in order to overcome it, a psychological, spiritual, and nutritional approach often needs to be taken.”